Lost Weekend (7)

My wife had many chores lined up for the weekend; she always does. She also gets a load of work done on her days "off.” When I'm home, I do my computer surfing, watch TV, and read.

If I'm off, it's pretty obvious. I'll be wearing my bathrobe in the middle of the day. This doesn't matter, as almost no one comes to see us. My wife suggests the bathrobe could be the reason. I don't think so; I’m sure other people are also watching TV, computer surfing, and reading. Unless they are women of course.

In that case they are doing household chores and, in many instances, working outside the home. Sometimes they stop to give birth, but they are back multi-tasking before you know it.

If a guy gave birth, he would have to have a year off. Actually, two years, as he would be in bed for nine months followed by a year of recuperation.

Women probably deserve better husbands or boyfriends. But most of them are stuck with us guys, a very different breed.

Speaking of dogs, you'll notice that guy dogs are clueless, running around trying to find new spots to fertilize, while girl dogs are checking their planners to see when the puppies are due.

I think women could stand for guys being less dog-like. I sometimes offer to help my wife with the chores; I'll suggest that possibly I could whip up a little lunch.

For some reason my wife gets a little agitated when I head towards the kitchen. I don't know why. Unless she remembers how I lived in my bachelor days; I like to tell her how I prepared meals.

One of my favorites was scrambled eggs, which I was pretty proud of as I actually used the stove. I would break the eggs directly into the skillet--I didn't fool with beating them and adding milk. I would eat them from the pan while standing over the kitchen sink. Saved time doing dishes, of course. For some reason, my wife always orders me out of the kitchen when I suggest I cook.

Women really need to let their guys help out. We could be trusted with a meal or a load of laundry. I think we might surprise our spouses and girlfriends given the chance. I try this notion out on my wife.

"Your apartment was a surprise all right--your clothes hamper was running over into the next county. You told me yourself you didn't do laundry until you ran out of underwear! No, really, I don't need any help. Why don't you go watch TV?"

It works every time.